Fear Spirals and News
I have been thinking a lot about fear lately. Well, not just thinking, experiencing fear. Something interesting is emerging, I am noticing the fear early. I am recognizing the narratives it tells me and I am not getting sucked into the fear spirals my mind creates. Not a perfect science but it is interesting, new and empowering.
Last week I had to teach 2 Parkour warm-up segments. Not Body Mapping, Parkour to movers that have skills far beyond my own. When my thinking started moving toward the edge of catastrophe, I paused and said “hey, wait a minute you teach musicians who have skills beyond your own too.” That I do, recognizing the irrational thoughts EARLY!
This reminds me of a particular class, the first of the semester, everyone was new to me and to each other. I had a brave volunteer who agreed to perform in the master class. This musician got up in front of the class and blew us away. As I listened my thoughts included, “wow, this is amazing, wtf am I going to offer here…” This was the moment where I could build or kill my street cred with these musicians. Deep breath, go!
As we discussed the performance and what the performer experienced things came out. Physical discomfort, and the desire for more freedom for expression. I can work with both of those things. I don’t remember exactly where we went, but I guided the player to expand awareness, to experience playing in the moment and you know what? There was even more expression, even more magic beautiful, and a moving connection to the audience. Everyone heard it!
Back to Parkour, I have to teach movers better than I. Maybe I shouldn’t say better, maybe I should describe them as movers with different skills than I. Reclassifying my assessment of how others move is freeing. ‘Different’ is okay, ‘better than’ is limiting. How many times have a classified someone as way better than me, and chipped away at my own confidence?
What did i do?
I applied my love of teaching in this different context. I allowed myself to do what I know, instead of what I think they all wanted me to do. Maybe there is something I can offer that nobody else can? How many people look at joint warm-ups as a flow from one region of the body to the next just like phrases are a flow in a piece of music.
I remembered my intention, to learn how to coach in a new way and to move better. I am not seeking to compete with anyone else, I am doing this for myself.
This weekend I will teach a technical session, again I am looking at that overwhelming barrier of so many great movers. What can I offer?
I plan to teach balance to movers with a variety of balancing skills. I am imagining a variety of challenges and entry points to meet each person where they are and help them break down their own barrier in some way.
What can I bring into this teaching? Breathing! I have noticed in my own balance practice that breathing is a game-changer. I can offer ways to pay attention to breathing that they may have never considered. Maybe it will add something for them. Gonna throw my ideas and experience out there.
Fear may try to infiltrate my thinking but I am coming back to what I know.
I trust that this experience will inform my playing. Life is my learning laboratory.
And the news…I am writing a book that combines Body Mapping with movement to form a reliable, accessible way to develop playing choreography. I am so excited and working every moment I can to get the words out on paper and bring these unique ideas into the world for you and all musicians!